The Bizarro Starter Kit (purple) by Bizarro Books

Author:Bizarro Books [Books, Bizarro]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2012-04-23T22:20:03+00:00

CHAPTER TWO

Noctys Blakblud, Gothrocker General of Washington, DC, tossed a sack of Marilyn Monroe parts at John Hbooth’s door instead of knocking. He figured it would be louder and a more rockin’ kind of thing to do. Hbooth did not respond on the first toss, so he tossed it again. The noise was squishier this time. Hbooth had heard the first toss but since it was 4 am and he’d worked until 2:47 creating Marilyn Monroe from soulstuff and Historion particles, Hbooth was slow to rise. Hearing the second toss and having a vague idea why it had sounded squishier, had to be a sack of body parts. Hbooth ran for the door like a bat out of hell before a third one occurred. Sure enough, an angry Noctys was holding a bloody sack. “My liege, it’s four a.m....”

Noctys took a swig from a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

“Yeah, but I’ve done a shitload of coke, Hbooth!”

“I take it Marilyn is in that bag.” “Yes,” snarled Noctys, “your shitty-ass Marilyn Monroe is in this sack.” This instantly made Hbooth defensive. He took pride in the fruits of his candy man talents.

“You realize that wasn’t a clone or anything, that was Marilyn Monroe. So, my Marilyn Monroe was not shitty, but perfect...and it seems you have killed her.”

Noctys flipped Hbooth the bird. “Perfect, my ass! This Marilyn couldn’t swordfight worth shit!”

Hbooth rubbed his temples with two fingers. His brain was starting to ache.

“I brought Marilyn Monroe back to life, constructed this flawless copy of her body and you got in a swordfight with her?”

“A flamberge fight to be precise. What did you think I was going to do with her?”

Put his dirty, rockstar hands all over her large, round wonderful breasts, breathe all over her shining alabaster skin, stick his syphilitic prick into her. Hbooth was almost kind of relieved that it had come down to a flamberge fight. Feeling her soul as he reconstructed her with candy man’s gift and Historions, he felt her poetry, her despair and he longed for her, wished he didn’t have to do what Noctys told him, wished he could have run away with her and not left her in the care of this addlebrained rockstar creep.

“Did somebody tell you Marilyn Monroe would be good at swordfight- ing?”

“It was a fantasy of mine. And you work for me and you make these fantasies happen with your dead people powers. The candy man can!”

Hbooth was a candy man and that was what he could do, so Noctys was right. He just wished he didn’t have to.

“You didn’t need to bring me the corpse. I don’t reanimate corpses. I use my talents and gather Historions and soulstuff to.”

Noctys tossed the sack at Hbooth. It hit him in the chest and knocked him to the ground.

“Boring! Make her again! Make two so I can race ‘em!”

Hbooth sighed. Rockstars would never understand the concept of candy men. The candy man could, but there was only one thing any candy man could do.

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